In The End Only Your Experience Really Matters
How a simple conversation led to a philosophy of Experience.
My friend Joe is an old school cross country coach. He once tried to explain to me that having his athletes train seven days a week works because you can rest and train at the same time. Maybe I’m just an ignorant sprint coach, but that concept still doesn’t make sense to me.
Joe and I see a lot of things differently. As is often the case, this is where our friendship comes most alive.
We were talking in the hall one morning as students made their way into our classes. A parent had been complaining to Joe about the meets he chose to race at. They were too far away, took place on work days, weren’t competitive enough, etc. Joe grew more and more frustrated as he explained the situation until he finally burst out, “I mean, are we trying to win? Or are we trying to give the kids an ‘experience’?”
I’d never heard anyone pose that question in such a straightforward manner. I understood what he meant. He carefully scheduled the meets and workouts so the team peaked at the right time of the season and had a couple state championships to support his methods. Should convenience of location and timing outweigh such careful planning? Probably not.
But, as I am prone to do, I took the question in more general terms. And I strongly disagreed. My initial reaction then is still my answer now. Like it or not, an experience is all we give people. And not just those we lead. We give an experience, and arguably little to nothing else, to everyone we meet.
Twenty years from now when Joe’s athletes reflect on their time in high school cross country they will talk about what it felt like to be on Joe’s team every day long before anyone mentions a trophy.1
What does it mean that we often remember little of where/when we learned certain skills but can recall in detail what it felt like to walk into every classroom we attended growing up? What does it mean that this is what others will remember about us? And most importantly, how should we approach family, work, and social life knowing people remember what it was like to be around us far more than anything we say or do?
This newsletter series is concerned with the idea of Experience, intentionally engaging with people in a way that will benefit them, as an organizing principle, something to prioritize and mindfully create every day.
In the coming weeks, we’ll dive into those questions. We’ll also examine why chasing goals ruins Experience and why “creating a culture” is a myth that comes from a misunderstanding of the “cultures” we see around us and misguides our efforts.
This is not a series of ideas aimed at improving your productivity, nor is it a manual for how all enterprises should function. Rather, this is an inquiry into the transformative power of prioritizing Experience.
It is worth pointing out that I think most of Joe’s athletes enjoyed their experience. His greatest gift is instilling confidence. I would be happy for my kid to be on his team. We just approached this issue from different angles.